I used to think that emotional intelligence (EI) was just about controlling your emotions, keeping them in check, and knowing when to show them. But I’ve come to realise that EI is much more than that. It’s about understanding your feelings and those of others and expressing them in ways that build strong, successful relationships.
Developing your emotional intelligence is beneficial no matter where you are—whether at school, work, or home. That’s why I’ve created this blog post to explain what emotional intelligence really is and offer simple steps to help you improve and master it.
What is emotional intelligence?
Emotional intelligence, often called emotion quotient (EQ), is the ability to understand and manage your emotions. It also means expressing your feelings respectfully and helpfully, both to yourself and others 1. In simple terms, emotional intelligence is about communicating how you feel in a way that strengthens your relationships, in any situation, without causing harm.
Why does emotional intelligence matter?
In a professional setting
In the workplace, emotional intelligence (EI) is essential for building positive relationships with colleagues, partners, and managers. It helps you make better decisions by taking a step back from emotions and thinking rationally, especially in situations where feelings might cloud your judgement.
EI also helps you handle tough situations at work, like conflicts or biases, by understanding others’ perspectives and resolving issues more effectively. Many companies value EI and even use EQ tests to find employees who can build strong networks and valuable connections 2. This benefits both the company and the individual’s chances for success.
In an educational setting
Success in school isn’t just about being smart (having a high IQ); emotional intelligence (EI) is crucial too. Without EI, students may struggle with anxiety or even suffer emotional breakdowns. EI helps you express your feelings in healthy ways, rather than bottling them up until they become overwhelming. It’s especially helpful during stressful times, such as exams, challenging coursework, or large projects.
In college, EI helps you make friends and build social skills, which are important when facing tough times, especially if you’re away from home. It also gives you the confidence to ask for help when you’re struggling with a subject, making it easier to talk to teachers and tutors.
You may also like: How To Can I Balance Work, College and Fitness Without Losing My Mind?
Personal relationships
Emotional intelligence (EI) is necessary for building strong, lasting relationships with your family and friends. When you understand your own emotions and understand how others feel, it’s easier to connect with people who truly care about you. This helps you make better decisions about who to trust and how to get along with others.
EI also helps you become more in tune with yourself. When you know how you’re feeling, you can manage your emotions in a way that keeps you calm and in control. Instead of letting your emotions take over, EI helps you stay level-headed, even when things get tough. This way, you’re less likely to react without thinking and more likely to handle problems with a clear mind.
How do you develop emotional intelligence?
1. Learn to understand your emotions.
Many times, we do not take the time to reflect on why we feel a certain way in a particular situation. Instead, we tend to overlook our reactions and actions to certain feelings. However, it’s important to know that our emotions define us as individuals and also play a role in determining the company we keep in life.
So to understand your emotions, you need to first accept that you have them and that it’s okay to feel them. You also need to pay attention to how you express your emotions. Do you feel them in your chest, throat, stomach, or other parts of your body? Are you an intense or calm emotional expresser? Most importantly, are you aware of yourself and your surroundings when you are expressing these emotions, or do you get lost in them?
Everyone expresses themselves in different ways, and it’s important to understand your emotional tendencies as an individual.
2. Why do you feel that way? Let’s find out.
When you’re about to make an important decision, take a moment to check in with your emotions. Ask yourself if your feelings are driving your decision and whether they might be clouding your judgement.
Think back to a time when your emotions influenced a choice you made—how did that turn out? Was it a good decision, or did your emotions lead you astray? If the outcome wasn’t ideal, consider how you could have handled your feelings differently to achieve a better result.
Reflection allows you to better understand and acknowledge your emotions when you’ve calmed down. You may find it helpful to journal your experiences and note how you would approach a similar situation differently in the future. By doing this, you’ll start to develop better ways to manage your emotions and make decisions that you feel good about.
3. Finding a healthy emotional outlet
Finding a healthy way to express your emotions is crucial, especially when dealing with stress and anger. Instead of keeping everything bottled up, which can lead to outbursts, you should seek out positive outlets that allow you to express yourself safely.
Keep in mind that ignoring your emotions can negatively impact your health and well-being, making you more prone to illness during difficult periods. So, it is necessary to know what helps you de-stress. It could be taking deep breaths to centre yourself, writing down your thoughts in a journal, going for a walk, preparing your favourite meal, or immersing yourself in music that lifts your spirits.
Get more tips on: Stress Reduction Techniques for a Calmer You
4. Practice meditation.
A helpful way to deal with intense emotions is by practising meditation. This practice can help you develop mindfulness, improve your mental health, and learn to better manage your feelings. Fortunately, meditation is a flexible technique that can be practised anywhere and anytime.
To start, find a comfortable seated or lying position and focus on your breath. This will help you clear your mind and gain a deeper understanding of your thoughts and emotions. Meditation promotes inner peace and calm, which can be especially useful during difficult situations. Moreover, it can improve your sleep quality, which in turn helps you feel more relaxed and less prone to emotional outbursts.
5. Knowing when to express yourself
In the same way that everything has its time, certain emotions are best expressed in particular situations. While we can’t control every emotion, we can learn how to manage them.
For example, it’s not a good idea to show anger or lose your temper at work, especially when receiving negative feedback from your employer. Reacting this way can make you seem impulsive and lacking self-control. Therefore, it’s better to stay calm, ask your employer for the reasons behind the feedback, and figure out how you can improve to receive positive feedback in the future.
Knowing when and how to express yourself takes self-control, but it’s a skill worth having because it helps you avoid tricky situations. To do this, you should find a healthy way to release your emotions and think clearly before responding. Instead of questioning the situation, focus on understanding the reasoning behind it. This will help you choose your words carefully and grasp the problem better.
6. Practice effective communication
Effective communication means being clear and direct. To start, make sure the person you’re talking to listens and understands your message. You also need to avoid making assumptions, because not everything is obvious right away.
Therefore, before sharing information, make sure your audience knows what you’re talking about and everyone is on the same page. Think about why you’re sharing it, what you want to say, and what outcome you’re aiming for.
When you are giving feedback, aim to be helpful while considering the other person’s feelings. It’s all about balancing honesty with kindness. Moreover, at times, finding out how the other person prefers to receive feedback can enhance communication and show respect.
7. Practice active listening.
To develop emotional intelligence, it’s essential to really listen, not just hear. There’s a huge difference between just hearing words and actively listening. Hearing is passive—you receive information without fully engaging with it.
On the other hand, active listening means focusing on the speaker, understanding their message, and getting the meaning behind their words. When you actively listen, you show respect, which helps build strong, healthy relationships.
You can practice active listening by using open body language—such as making eye contact, nodding along, and facing the speaker. Additionally, asking open-ended questions and summarising key points can show that you’re fully involved in the conversation.
8. Recognise the emotions and feelings of others.
Being empathic means noticing what others feel. This skill helps you express yourself clearly and use the right emotions and body language when interacting with people.
When you develop empathy, you can read others’ facial expressions and body language more easily. This allows you to understand their feelings only by looking at their faces.
For example, if you see a friend looking depressed or a coworker appearing tense, you might ask if they’re okay or offer your support. These small actions can make a significant difference in how others feel. By doing this, you can avoid misunderstandings and build strong connections with those who value being understood.
9. Practice how to stay calm under pressure.
Another way to develop emotional intelligence is to remain calm under pressure. When you are in difficult situations, don’t let your emotions cloud your judgement. Instead of getting upset, clear your head and focus on coming up with solutions. This approach can help you solve problems and handle conflicts better.
One simple method I use to stay calm is taking deep breaths. I inhale deeply through my nose for four seconds, hold it for a moment, and then exhale slowly through my mouth. This helps clear my mind of distracting thoughts and makes it easier to focus on the issue at hand. If you find yourself in conflict with someone, stepping away for a bit can help you avoid saying something you might regret.
10. Ask for and listen to feedback.
Receiving feedback is a valuable way to understand your strengths and learn how others perceive you. Whether in personal or professional settings, asking for feedback helps you identify areas for improvement and recognise when you may need to adjust your reactions.
It’s also critical to listen without getting defensive. Remember, feedback is just someone’s opinion and doesn’t define who you are. However, it’s very important to distinguish between helpful feedback, which can guide your growth, and hurtful criticism, which may be biased. This awareness helps you avoid taking things too personally.
When seeking input, ask people you trust for honest and constructive advice. This approach will give you relevant insights that can help you grow. By embracing feedback, you’ll not only improve your skills but also strengthen your connections.
Conclusion
Now that you’ve reached the end of this blog post and you understand what emotional intelligence is and how to develop it. Remember, emotional intelligence is a skill that you can build through practice, so take your time with the steps we’ve discussed. You’re always welcome to revisit this blog whenever you need a refresher.
If you found this post helpful, please share your thoughts in the comments or subscribe to our newsletter for updates on the latest posts about emotional intelligence and related topics. Once you feel confident in your emotional intelligence skills, don’t forget to add them to your CV!
REFERENCES
Herrity, jennifer (2023). 9 Tips To Improve Your Emotional Intelligence. (online) Indeed Career Guide. Available at: https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/career-development/how-to-improve-emotional-intelligence (Accessed 16 April 2024).
Landry, L. (2019). Emotional Intelligence Skills: What They Are & How to Develop Them | HBS Online. (online) Business Insights – Blog. Available at: https://online.hbs.edu/blog/post/emotional-intelligence-skills (Accessed 16 April 2024).
Segal, J., Smith, M., Robinson, L. and Shubin, J. (2024). Improving Emotional Intelligence (EQ). (online) HelpGuide. Available at: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-health/emotional-intelligence-eq.htm (Accessed 16 April 2024).
Viezzer, S. (2023). How To Improve Emotional Intelligence. (online) SimplyPsychology. Available at: https://www.simplypsychology.org/how-to-improve-emotional-intelligence.html (Accessed 16 April 2024).
